Travel tips, redux.
written 2000-09-20 00:29:33

It is, in fact, mere coincidence that I've just boarded a TWA flight as I
write down a new batch of travel tips. Don't let anyone tell you

- Lots of modern airports have moving walkways. If you must be an
automaton and use it, be sure to watch your step at the end of the
walkway so as not to be catapulted into the elderly person in front of
you. Which brings us to an excellent point:

- The will be an antediluvian on board your flight. "It" will have
obviously abandoned any trace of sexuality long ago, but during the reign
of Elizabeth, it was female. Men just don't live that long. And yes,
Methusulah is going to slow down your boarding process, due to the three
stewardesses it takes to carry her iron lung. At least you can now look
at your own mortality in a fresh light; you might be reminded that you're
going to die, but at least it could be a long, long time from now.

- Once upon a flight there was a nurse, and she asked a stewardess if
there was any concern about making flight crews walk through the metal
detectors everyday. Wasn't she scared of cancer? The stewardess thought
the notion was laughable, and after the flight, made a beeline for the
designated glass-encased smoking lounge. The are several lessons you can
extract from this story, most of which are incorrect.

- Yes, she's sure got that safety demonstration down pat. Yes, she's done
this thousands of time. Yes, she friggin' hates it. Thanks for asking.

-  Scream "Wassup?!" at the first guy you meet upon deplaning. It will
always brings a smile to his face, and if he returns the greeting, you'll
feel at home even in a foreign city.


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