Space Rover, Pilot Episode: Undocumented Features, Audio Version - Outtakes Transcript Narrator: Spacer Rover: Episode One - Highlights of Outtakes --- Narrator/Malcolm: Ship: the Debacle, registered freelance transport fighter... freighter. DAMN IT! Hamish: Fighter! Graham: Pew pew pew! Hamish: * mock fan fare * --- Pilot/Malcolm: It is not bloody likely, but... damn. * laughter * Hamish: Also Malcolm, you do not have to keep acting with your hands. Malcolm: I am hand talking! Hamish: Yes. Malcolm: And no one can see it! OH NO! Graham: Okay, clear of the air. Malcolm: * hums serenely * Hamish: Not like that! * laughter * Graham: Don't get us going! --- Captain/Hamish: Had fallen of his perch from a heart attack. Graham: * coughs * * laughter * Hamish: I hope that you're dying. Graham: I held that in until the end of the line. --- Pilot/Malcolm: The favourite death of the gourmet ecipure. * laughter * Graham: Epi-pen... We are not going to get past this line. Hamish: Ecipure! ...Ecipure! Pilot/Malcolm: It's Texan, what do you know? Hamish: That would be Space Texan. Graham: Anyway. Pilot/Malcolm: Space Texas! It's bigger than normal Texas!... Captain/Hamish: And better! Hologram/Graham: Unbelievable! Hamish: Well, yeah... Malcolm: Oh man... Pilot/Malcolm: The favourite death of a gourmet epicure. A bloody clogged with nourishing gravy. Hamish: Did you say buddy or bl?... Malcolm: Ohhhh! * much upheaval * Graham: Just start at a buddy... a body! * laughter * Pilot/Malcolm: The favourite death of a gourmet epicure. A body clogged with nourishing gravy! Graham: Finally... Malcolm: Hola! Hamish: * clears throat * Time to do this line perfectly to put you to shame. Captain/Hamish: Yeah... but I do not think the heartah... * much laughter * --- Pilot/Malcolm: I did not know that bad spelling could promote... * laughter * Graham: Could promote harmony on Earth? --- Captain/Hamish: Though I still swear that something was up with that transport. The cockpit filled with gas or something and all the lights... ah blah blah... the lights and sirens! Graham: LASERS! Hamish: Sorry. --- Captain/Hamish: I figure I will buy one and maybe try and get back ...umm.. into... uh... haulage ...outside the Commonwealth fleet. --- Pilot/Malcolm: Like let's say faulty stirrup.... Graham: Struts. Malcolm (laughing): Stirrups... * laughter * Hamish: Keep going. Graham: Uhh... no comment. --- Graham: Time for your vocalization. Hamish: Gaaaaah! Graham: Again. Hamish: Gaaaaaaaaah! Malcolm: AGAIN! Hamish: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH! Graham: Okay, one more proper. --- Salesman/Graham: Get over here! * mock pitter patter noises (by moving microphone stand) * Graham: Thank you for that. Malcolm: Cha cha chaa! --- Peter/Malcolm: Yes sir, I have often wondered about... wait, no... * guttural clears throat * Robo-phlegm! Graham: Ladies and gentlemen... [courtesy of Red Dwarf IV Smeg Ups] --- Salesman/Graham: What do you say then, siiiir? Captain/Hamish: I'd say I would like a... pastrami sandwich? Salesman/Graham: CAN'T HAVE ONE! --- Peter/Malcolm: So how'd you get such a good ship then? Captain/Hamish: I was a good fralaladub.... Malcolm: I was a good fire with them?! --- Peter/Malcolm: After all that I spent a brief smell... * laughter * Malcolm: Smell... Graham: I SMELL YOU!!!! --- Hamish: Anyway... * scratching noises * * laughter * Hamish: Now he's got mites, ladies and gentlemen. Graham: Robo-mites ladies and gentlemen! --- Peter/Malcolm: Though this does cause some physical issues when holographic workers from... form... form... foam. Foam. Form. Graham: Foam at the mouth. Malcolm: Foam at the mouth. --- Captain/Hamish: Humph. I find that it makes me * spouts gibberish * * laughter * Graham: That one's going on the outtakes reel. --- Hologram/Graham: That is me alright: useful, resourceful and compact! Just every handyman's dream! Hamish: Get yours today! Graham: Indeed. --- Captain/Hamish: In the middle of nowhere! Hologram/Graham: Hey now! Malcolm (singing): Hey now... * all mime lines from Iko Iko * --- Hologram/Graham: You forgot to mention that you are a disgraced Commonwealth transport captain! Captain/Hamish: Actually that was mentioned several bloody times in this script! I mean, why?! Hologram/Graham: You forgot to mention it to me! Except for that fact that it is, I admit, plastered quite prominently on your t-shirt. --- Captain/Hamish: I think I can see why... Hologram/Graham: I cracked the Cap... Hamish: Cracked the Cap?! Graham: We ship it back to the ship... Malcolm: And ship it out of here! [courtesy of Star Trek: Voyager outtakes reel] Hamish: I cracked the cap... --- Captain/Hamish & Hologram/Graham: * growls * Malcolm: Very good... now dance. * audible shuffling of feet * * laughter * Malcolm: * unclear * [Note from Malcolm: I do not know what I said but it sounds like 'Sue each other near cloudy'] Graham: Thank you for that. --- Peter/Malcolm: LAUNCH! * moving the microphone stand * * all begin hitting the roof * Hamish: Owww... Malcolm: Foley! Ladies and gentlemen... Graham: Okay... --- Peter/Malcolm (robotically): Seg fault! Seg fault! Please reboot firmware! Alert! Alert! * all tripping over each others lines * Hamish: A choccy nut bar has been taken without payment! [from Red Dwarf VIII - Only The Good...] Graham: A little less florid Data... [from Star Trek: Nemesis] Hamish: Seriously, try it a bit less florid. --- Peter/Malcolm (a little less florid): Seg fault! Seg fault! Please reboot firmware! Alert! Alert! Hamish: Kernel panic! Graham: A choccy nut bar has been removed without payment. --- Captain/Hamish: Watch this! * mimics weapons cock, laser fire * Hologram/Graham: What?! You have weapons on this tin can? --- Captain/Hamish: As if... I usually get my clothes ub cluh bluh buh... Malcolm: Ub cluh bluh buh. Hamish: Let me get my ub cluh bluh buh on. --- Captain/Hamish: So seriously, are you really thinking atumablahblah? Graham: Yes I am! Malcolm (scatting): Atumablahblah, atumablahblah! --- Captain/Hamish: So seriously... * all less than seriously laughing * --- Hologram/Graham: It is nice to have some additional dirt to use on you if I ever need to... Captain/Hamish: WHAT?! * Malcolm laughs * Hologram/Graham: I believe I said it quite clearly! --- Hologram/Graham: Aren't you just as willing to try and report me to the authorities should the mood strike you? Captain/Hamish: Yes, but you are genuinely a rogalorg! Malcolm: A rogalorg! Hologram/Graham: Thank you, that is nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! --- Captain/Hamish: You just mean that so I won't get you to do all the work! Malcolm: Again. Captain/Hamish: You just mean that so uhwubadur. * laughing * Malcolm: I said again not... Captain/Hamish: You just mean that so I won't get you to do all the work! Graham: One more. --- Captain/Hamish: I told you to stop mentioning that... I told you to stop mentioning that. I told you to stop mentioning that! Malcolm: I told you to stop repeating yourself! Graham (tauntingly): Stop repeating yourself! --- Malcolm whistles. Hamish (as Worf): We are being hailed sir! [from Star Trek: The Next Generation] --- Reporter/Hamish: With respect, why would anyayahadub... Graham: We're screwed... --- Captain/Hamish: This isn't just another set-up for a snidey, snidely, snidley... how do you pronounce that? Malcolm: Snidley! Captain/Hamish: Snidey, snidely, snidely... is that a word! Malcolm: Snidley Whiplash! ...Snidley Whiplash. [from Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show] Graham: I wrote it as snidey. I do not know how it turned into snidley. Hamish: Okay, we will read it as snidey then... --- Peter/Malcolm: Not at all, my idear... Idea! Ikea. --- Announcer/Malcolm: Big Mash New... * inhales * Hamish: Big Mash Nudes! Graham: Yeah! --- Announcer/Malcolm: Big... Big Mash Network News! Bringing you the whole... damn... Graham: Bringing the whole mishmash of modern life together for you in easily swallowable chunks. Hamish: That is not very swallowable. * laughter * Malcolm: Indeed, that sentence isn't terribly swallowable. --- Reporter/Hamish: Oh, welcome aboard our mobile, studio, caaaaaptainnnnn! Graham: Try that again. --- Peter/Malcolm: Has the Hologram proven his worth? Captain/Graham: The bugger has been lined up on the chopping block for awhile now. Hamish: That is not your line! * laughing * Graham: But it will be! --- Peter/Malcolm: I only like it when I'm right. Graham: I only like it when he's right. Hamish: I only really like Arkwright [from Open All Hours]. --- Graham: What he said. Narrator/Malcolm: Usage attributions available on the Space Rover website. Graham: Say it man. Narrator/Malcolm: Usage attributions available on the Space Rover website. Hamish (singing) SPACE ROVER DOT COM!!!!! Graham: You had to say it. Hamish: No. Narrator/Malcolm: Usage attributions available on the Space Rover website. Graham: You just had to say it. Narrator/Malcolm: Side effects may include coma and death. Graham: YOU'RE LYING! [from Red Dwarf VII - Duct Soup] Hamish: We gotta add that to the end of one of these episodes... side effects may include coma and death. --- Copyright 2013-2018 Malcolm Wilson Multimedia. Duel licensed under the GFDL and CC BY-SA copylefts. Please visit the Space Rover website at http://icculus.org/mwm/rover/