5. COMMANDER G: FIRST STRIKE
by Mikulás Patocka

Judge Bike: I couldn't work out how to lose if I wanted to. That made me feel pretty potent. 3/5
Judge Bunny: I don't like shooty games and this was no exception and I really couldn't see the point, which is 'crap'. 4/5
Judge Impetigo: I like games that make me feel unstoppable. This one is crap and appealing. 3/5
Judge Adam: Many-faceted in its pointlessness but it's somehow mechanically compelling. Graphics blocky and ascii-y, speed a bit too fluid but tempered by nice bug-work. A really sound entry harking back to the Cascade50 tradition rather than being of the 'the in-joke is in the name, ha-ha' mould.

4. DER SCHNELLER LAUFHAUSEN
by Chris Young

Judge Bike: Something in German about being chased by police? The plot was lost on me but it reminded me of some of the best nights out I've had. 4/5
Judge Bunny: The flashing colours and the repetitive noises made me think of a really good night out. 4/5
Judge Impetigo: Not being able to co-ordinate myself and being shouted at in german was like the first and last time I went to a nightclub. 2/5
Judge Adam: Lives up to Chris' claim of incomprehensibility which makes it all the more fascinating; I found I was patting myself on the back every time I thought I'd deciphered some new aspect of the game (like how to start). In short, objectively undeniably crap in every way but still eerily satisfying for a few minutes. Skillful.

3. GAMES WITH FRONTIERS
by Pablo & Jaime Tejedor

Judge Bike: NINE games for the price of one, and I want to crush the author. Can't argue with that. 3/5
Judge Bunny: This one was supposed to have horses and drawing in it but it was sort of a rip-off. I felt like crying which means 4/5
Judge Impetigo: Martians on strike, a fleet of idling space ships, damn! This is ST:TNG level of social commentary but you just can't play it. 4/5
Judge Adam: Further into your more postmodern (*shudder*) territory, I find that ten weak jokes can actually add up to one quite amusing one. Each 'game' in the compendium looks very much like the shortest and most disappointing of the type-in-listing games from mags, with each accompanying gag more likely to raise a heartfelt sigh than a chuckle -- that's the quality I admired.

2. WILD WEST HEAD HUNTER
by Tomaz Cedilnik

Judge Bike: Really cool intro, I wanted to kick 9+ levels of cowboy ass after reading it but the game maker is a dirty cheat and a liar and I will give him a good kicking if he doesn't finish it. 5/5
Judge Bunny: I was thinking that I would not like this game because it sounded violent, but it was really very nice and slow and quiet but I don't know how to win it. 2/5
Judge Impetigo: I always wanted a gun to show the bigger kids at school who was a spotty gimp or not. I was hoping that this game would be a carthesis like quake but I want a gun much more badly now. 5/5
Judge Adam: The first entry of the year's compo to promise so much and deliver laughably little, and one of the very best submissions in that vein. Admirably done.

1. FIRE ELECTRIC PEN
by Joe Mackay

Judge Adam: This polished entry strikes the delicate balance between overt crapness and just enough attention payed to implementation to get your joke across in stages. The game combines disarming Engrish with a fundamentally appalling idea realized very frustratingly but playable enough for the victim to play to the point where he gets slapped on the head by the author, exclaims 'GUH!' and feels like an idiot for almost beginning to take the game seriously for a few minutes.

Good going.

It was a close contest all-in-all and this could be a very long list, but here are just a few choice entries that might reasonably have made the top five but just didn't.

ALEX IN TOWN by Equinox Tetrachloride -- for looking a bit pro-ey but basically reducing me to tears

CSS CATCHPHRASE by Matthew Westcott -- for the amount of effort (like I said, demo coders are just too obsessive!)

TURBO NOVA by Lee Prince -- for being quite funny mainly as a parody but also for being a multiple-choice thingy exactly like we all used to make when we were into adventures but too inept to write a parser

CALEY HOOSE by Robert Mitchell -- for being so prosaic but not having a parser (there I go with the parsers again)

LASERCANNON by Hob -- it was a toss-up between this one and Commander G, but the latter just felt very slightly crapper -- soz!

FREDDY THE SHORT SIGHTED FROGGER WHO CAN'T SWIM by Mike Wynne -- love the genre and this was done very well, but that was a weakness in the final reckoning!

and all the rest, damn it but I'll shut up because it's time to just wrap this compo up. See you in the trenches next year, perhaps!