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2004.01.04 ~06 "The Purpose Drive Life", by Rick Warren, Day 1
Well, in this book by Rick Warren, a chapter corresponds to a day, so
Day 1 and Chapter 1 mean the same thing.
- Point to Ponder: "It's not about me."
True, it's certainly not about me. My lifespan is finite, so orienting
life goals towards/around my own life is, in the long run, pointless.
My mother has pointed out to me several times that my father (currently
still alive, but does not participate in huggy-feely talks) has spent
nearly his whole life trying to improve outcomes for my sister and me.
This in and of itself has inspired me to care for children I have in the
future. Children that grow up into extraordinary persons would be a
meaningful legacy that I leave.
Currently I subscribe to the notion that living beings strive to
guarantee the continuation of their genetic line, which, in a sense, is
a sort of continuation of one's life. This could perhaps be generalized
to just leaving behind a memorable legacy, genetic or memetic. There
are people that don't care to have children, but instead want to achieve
great things. The foremost example that comes to mind is Richard M.
Stallman and the GNU project. He certainly left a profound mark on
computing, but had deliberately avoided having children to achieve that
goal. Not something I want to emulate, but just something I ponder.
Many times I've fancied the notion that all living things are all aiming
towards a certain vague end-goal. That all genetic materials are trying
to achive some kind of end state, something akin to the Gaia
hypothesis. A twist to this idea is that all genetic material are
merely trying to replicate eternally. Or that certain portions of the
genetic material are trying to remain forever. In one sadisitic view,
genetics could be viewed as some attempt at generating an infinite loop
and seeing how long it can last.
Regardless of the aforementioned views, they all point at life's purpose
being beyond the current state of existence. One of the more depressing
views is that the genetic material constructed my mind merely to help it
(genes) propagate; it's depressing because it would tag my brain as a
pawn in a game played out by strings of nucleotides.
Abruptly changing subjects, many years ago I had decided one of the
purposes of life was to leave behind something meaningful for society at
large. A scientific breakthrough, an artistic insight, or a lasting
improvement to government. To help others live better.
Random fuzzy incomplete thought: perpetuation of genetic material
modelled as eternal afterlife.
Random fuzzy incomplete thought: the totality of quantum state
transitions attributed to, or as, a supreme being.
Random fuzzy incomplete thought: circular declaration... cosmos to
purpose, and purpose to cosmos... life {subset} cosmos... subclassing
inheritance... circular inferences?...
- Verse to Remember: "Everything got started i him and finds its purpose
in him." Colossians 1:16b (The Message translation)
Forget it.
- Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around e, how can
I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?
OK, first off, I take offense at the suppositions inherent in the
question. Namely, that this question places as "a priori" the very
subject that is under discussion. To wit, that the purpose in life is
living for God. I take offense, because the book is supposed to
illustrate *why* this is so, and in the very first chapter, flings it at
my face as being true from the get-go. In a more mathematical light, I
see this as some hypothesis Q that is yet to be proven/explained, and
before the first set of logic operations, poses a question to the reader
presupossing the unproven hypothesis Q as true.
For the time being, I'm just gonna gloss over this question, since it
seems a very loaded question for such an early (first!) chapter.
R.F.I.C.: Godel's incompleteness theorem.
* my own questionings
The author states the [Christian] Bible as being the Owner's Manual of
life. My beef with this is why the Bible in particular. What puts it
above the Jewish Torah? Or the Islamic Koran(sp?)? Or the Book of
Mormonism? Bhuddist writings? Shinoism? Egyptian? The collection of
Greek mythos? Wicca? What makes the Bible in particular any more
"correct" of a owner's manual than other religious texts?
As the first of three insights into your/my purpose, the author states
"you discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with
Jesus Christ". My gripe: does this mean people who lived in the B.C.
years (i.e. before Christ's existence) were totally identiy-less and
purposeless? What of those in more remote corners of the world who came
up with their own ideals of life's purpose? Were/Are they ipso facto
purposeless because their particular explicit purposeness don't involve
a particular dude from Nazareth?
The second of the three insights states "God was thinking of you long
before you ever thought about him." Again, this raises the question of
the B.C. era people. If they were so thought-of in great know-it-all
scheme, then why were they born *B*.C.? This leads too easily to the
idea of a a twisted master that likes to torment a limited few, like Sid
in the "Toy Story" movies -- "the rest of you, get to sit on the shelves
intact, but these toys.... muahahahaha!"
I don't have any major beef with the third insight.
Overall gripe: the general tone of the chapter makes me feel that life
is one big game of... Starcraft. The author states that God has a
purpose for each of us, and that we may succeed in life, and yet not
fulfill our purpose. This sounds like something that could happen in a
glitchy game of Starcraft: a dropship full of marines may accidently
unload early and obliterate the Zergs, succeeding, but if they were
originally ordered to wipe the floors with the Protoss, then they missed
their purpose. The second insight of life's purpose also resonates with
a game of Starcraft... any Starcraft player has in his/her mind the
units desired to achieve some goal, from the very start of a game. If
not, the player is thinking about the unit they're commissioning just
before the resources are committed to create the unit (therefore
counting as thinking of the unit before it was... erm... born).
The third insight of life's purpose also rings with a game of Starcraft:
"The purpose of your life fits into a much larger, cosmic purpose that
God has designed for eternity." OK, so a game of Starcraft does not go
on for eternity, but the engineers busy collecting resources really has
no business knowing wtf the scientists in the science labs are doing,
much less why marines are sitting around behind all the defensive siege
tanks. IOW, each unit does not know the ultimate goal of the player,
but they can carry out the orders assigned to them, which may lead to
the outcome desired by the player. Each unit goes about its own
business, but collectively, this can lead to a larger goal (i.e. wiping
out all opposition). I'm not contesting insight #3, just that it paints
life as a giant mutation of Starcraft.
I haven't put down even half the thoughts floating about in my head. A
good chunk of the writings above end on half-finished thoughts. I have
trouble serializing my thoughts, and then there's that disturbing trend
of ideas rearranging themselves *as* I'm serializing them. I just hope
I've written down enough to remind me of the other things I'm thinking
about right now.
R.F.I.C.: (eqv relations communal-ties purposes)
R.F.I.C.: sentient red blood cells questioning their purpose
R.F.I.C.: Quote at chapter opening from Bertrand Russle (atheist)
"Unless you assume a God, the question of life's purpose is
meaningless"; think quote is taken with twisted context.
Until next entry.
2004.01.04 ~05 "The Purpose Driven Life", by Rick Warren, Day 0
OK, so, for whatever reason, my mother wants me to read this book,
really badly. She declared she will nag me every day for the next
thirty-nine days to read through this thing. FWIW, the book is divided
into 40 chapters, designed to be read 1 per day. Each chapter ends with
a "Point to Ponder", a "Verse to Remember", and a "Question to
Consider", to get the mental gears churning through the rest of the day.
Instead of using paper, I decided to use this online journal as a place
to record my responses.
The forty chapters is a cutesy reference to various forty-day periods
throughout the Christian Bible.
From the preface material, the author's presupposition is that one's
(my) purpose in life is/has been preplanned by God from the proverbial
dawn of time.
I don't intend to critique the book cover to cover, although I've
already questioned various wordings and interpretations of the author at
least four times in the first chapter.
I'm not going to lay down what my thoughts are prior to finishing this
book; i.e. I won't record my initial thought state. Being forced to
read this book, I've already taken an adverse attitude towards it before
opening the covers. I don't know how my attitude will change
afterwards. In this initial entry, I've already rewritten and re-worded
several otherwise-inflammatory sentences in preparation for the chance
that I may completely change my opinin of the book in the end (i.e. I
don't want to regret what I've written). For the actual responses to
the chapters, however, I shall be using my then-current state of mind.
In a way, I'm using these electronic entries to monitor my progress and
journey through the book.
2003.11.25 ~10 UT2003, day 2 (weaponry)
Well, after ravaging various CVS repositories, I got UT2003 running in a
tolerable manner. There is no way I can play it online as it is now
(let's just say certain polygons randomly decide to turn transparent...)
but it still suffices to get a feel of ut2003.
Day 1, I set up movement keys. I use ESDF for movement for FPS games.
As a touch typist, I insist on my left index finger resting on 'F'.
Day 2, after experience with all the weapons (yay cheat codes), I set up
weapon binds (weapon-switching keys) based on my "feel" of the weapons.
As I set up the keys, I noticed a certain... vague resemblance to Quake
3 weapons.
Key - Quake 3 - UT2003
Q - BFG10K - Super Weapon (Ion Painter/Redeemer)
W - Lighting Gun - Lightning Gun
E - Forward - Forward
R - Plasma Gun - Link Gun
A - Rocket Launcher - Rocket Launcher
S - Left strafe - Left strafe
D - Backward - Backward
F - Right strafe - Right strafe
G - Grenade Launcher - Biorifle
Z - Railgun - Shock Rifle
X - use item - Translocator
C - crouch - crouch
V - gesture - voice menu
B - Shotgun - Flak Cannon
1 - Gauntlet - Shield Gun
2 - Machine Gun - Assault Rifle
Of note, I haven't bothered binding the minigun.
2003.11.21 ~09 "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" TV ad
The (longer) TV commercial ad for "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time"
is simply mindblowing. I can't really describe it any other way right
now. Rarely do I come across a TV ad that I would not mind simply
watching over and over again for hours on end. The way the music, the
graphics, the sounds, and the voiceover are put together is just
amazing.
I don't think this game is something to which I could get too attached.
But still, the TV ad... wow.
2003.11.17 ~04 Another Pokemon movie on CN
Cartoon Network seems to be a Pokemon binge. This past Friday they
aired "Pokemon Movie 2000". Next Friday they air "Pokemon 3".
The second(?) movie wasn't as cheesy as the first. OTOH, it illustrated
a greater degree of idiocy. Super-rich collector unleashes
earth-shattering forces for the sake of collecting them. "Moron" doesn't
even begin to describe that motivation.
Um. I forgot what I was gonna rant about. *shrug*.
2003.11.08 ~05 Pokemon movie (the first one)
Cartoon Network aired the first Pokemon movie tonight. Overall, the
cheese factor went off the scale. I can see how a Pokefreak can get a
kick out of this movie, but the cheesiness had me laughing to tears.
Oh, and a hour-plus long movie that ends with a Big-Reset-Switchosis.
World teeters on the edge of destruction, brought back from said edge,
and everyone's memory erased. Bah, cheesy.
2003.10.23 ~08 bittorrent 3.3
Yay, bittorrent 3.3. My greatest relief is that 3.3 does away with the
"stampeding files" effect when starting to torrent, say, 8 files with
btlaunchmanycurses.py. Now the files are sequentially checked, instead
of all the files demanding simultaneous disk access.
Life: No Life found.
Project:
1. Project FI, Quake 3 mod (
http://www.icculus.org/fi/)
a. provide an extensible environment for a Q3 mod. The intended notion is that of "mutators" in Unreal Tournament.
b. FI:WFC, a more faithful reproduction of Q2WF for Q3 than WFA.
2. QuakeScheme
* Extensible language for Project FI.
* Builds on TinySCHEME (
http://tinyscheme.sourceforge.net/)
* Deal with idiosyncrasies of Q3VM not handled by most other Scheme impls.
3. Q3VM libc
* Implementation of Standard C Library for Q3VM bytecode.
* Implementation of a subset of Single Unix Specification v2 (SUS v2).
* Help import third-party library into Q3VM.
4. QS GUI/widget set
a. Need to research advanced OO and GUI of Scheme derivatives and Common Lisp.
b. Replication/extension of boxy widgets in Q3TA (Q3 PR 1.27+).
c. Pie menus -- just to annoy theoddone33.
5. Q3 compilation toolchain
[X] q3lcc sources (official version out with Q3A SDK 1.32)
[X] q3asm - get static to work, dammit.
[ ] q3as - assemble-only (.asm to .o).
[ ] q3ld - link-only (.o/.a to .qvm).
5. PalmOS stuff
a. PiNGer (gfx viewer)
* generalize interface to a "any-gfx" viewer (libpnm?)
b. ZBoxZ (file manager)
* beef up its appness: menus, dialogs, pen actions
6. Blender development (
http://www.blender.org)