Admiral Ackbar.

[Mikey walks onstage with a bowl of Ramen noodles.  He stands center, smiles, shovels a forkful of noodles in his mouth.  Looks up.]

Mikey : It's a trap!

[Smiles, walks offstage. Matt and Ingrid enter from the other direction.]

Matt : Was that supposed to be a Star Wars reference or something?

Ingrid : I'm not sure.

Matt : Was that funny?

[Ingrid just stares where Mikey exited.]

Matt : I mean, if you're not into the whole Star Wars thing, you aren't going to recognize that reference Mikey just made. Hey, Mikey. Mikey!

[Mikey reenters. Without noodles.]

Mikey : Yeah?

Matt : What WAS that...uh, thing you just did?

Mikey : The "It's a trap" thing?

Ingrid : Yeah.

Mikey : It's Admiral Ackbar from Return of the Jedi. You know, the squid dude from the Death Star assault scene.

[Matt and Ingrid stare blankly.]

Mikey : Y'know? Commands the squadron that's taking out the Death Star. The SECOND Death Star?

[Matt and Ingrid just continue to stare.]

Mikey : Man, you guys just aren't fans.

Matt : I LIKE the movies and all...

Mikey : Yeah, but you're not HARDCORE.

Ingrid : Hardcore?

Mikey : Sure. How many weeks did you wait in line to see the Phantom Menace?

Matt : I didn't. I saw it the week after it came out.

Ingrid : It wasn't that good, honestly.

[Mikey locks a murderous glare onto Ingrid.]

Mikey : Alright. So I guess you don't have the original movies on tape, the THX version of the FIRST trilogy, the widescreen version, the widescreen THX version, AND the "Special Edition" release?

Matt : I don't even have a VCR.

Mikey : I guess you don't have the official Obi-Wan Kenobi war braid, then?

[Mikey pulls a braid of hair out of his pocket, and clips it on to his actual

hair.]

Ingrid : Nope.

Mikey : See: you aren't hardcore. Check this out: I just got the official DARTH MAUL DOUBLE LIGHT SABER. Hang on...

[Mikey exits. Matt and Ingrid look at each other.]

Ingrid : Whatta loser.

Matt : Let's go.

[Matt and Ingrid exit. A moment later, Mikey returns with a Darth Maul plastic

saber.]

Mikey : Guys? Fellas? [Looks around for a second, guiltily, then plays with his toys...] I am your father Luke! [heavy breathing sounds, swings saber around a few times]

[blackout. music.]

[Lights come back up, Mikey’s still on stage.]

Announcer : Mikey? We’re gonna do the next sketch, now.

Mikey : Oh, sorry.

[blackout. music.]