Shakespeare gets his ass kicked.
written 2000-04-10 13:35:03

Tonight, to celebrate the release of the program I've spent the last few
months working on, I decided to take in a movie. The only thing starting
at 8:00 was "Romeo Must Die", so now I'm eight dollars poorer, two hours
deader, and not the least bit more entertained. The title is similar to
one of the lines in the movie ("Sorry, Romeo, but you gotta die!"), but
other than that, there's absolutely no relation to anything Shakespearean
in this whole film. That's only the tip of the pile of feces that
comprises this movie, though. If you want modern-day Romeo and Juliet,
rent the '96 version with Leo and Claire. If you want GOOD karate (and,
I'm sad to report, better dialog), rent Rumble in the Bronx.

After the credits, as the lights came back up, I gathered up my
smuggled-in snack wrappers and empty Snapple bottle. Among my trash on
the vacant seat to the left was a little, pretty glass pipe, left, I
assume, by the person on the other side of the chair. As I stuffed my
trash into my backpack to conceal it (wouldn't want to get caught with
THAT!), I grabbed the pipe and headed for the first guy I could find
wearing a bowtie.

"Excuse me, do you work here?"
"No, sir, I just wear this bowtie to pick up women."

"I see. Look, I found this ornate paraphenalia that is clearly designated
to aid in the smoking of tabacco products up there by my seat, so could
you be sure it makes its way to the LOST AND FOUND?"

He seemed a little stunned, but I pressed the glass pipe into his hand and
walked away. As I looked back, I saw him sniff the bowl appreciatively,
glance around, and slip the device into his own pocket.

In retrospect, maybe he was just there to pick up women.


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