15 May 2002 - Hey, You Guys Actually Voted!
Here I am, once again providing you fine folks with another round of
entertainment at what is usually my expense. "But what exactly will
this update be about?" is probably the question that is rolling
around inside your noggin'. So, let's take a look at the voting
results and see what update we have this time, mmmmmkay?
Twenty-nine votes were cast for having this .plan update be another
chapter in the horrid saga that pretty much has come to be known as
the "Wedding From Hell". Most of the the folks that cast a vote for
this one also congratulated me on getting married.
A mere seven votes were cast for the "Rifles and ROTC" story. This
surprises me, since this story offers far more action that the wedding
story does. I guess you folks are more interested in personal torture
than firearms.
And finally, *NINE* votes came in for the category "Something
New". That's right... the "other" category beat the ROTC story by two
votes! People were typically more than happy to suggest what exactly
my .plan update should consist of. The breakdown is as follows:
Two people wanted to hear about the "chick with the rack" and "my
fiance" that I was seen smootching in my last update. I'm quite
sure she'll be flattered by your insightful observations. She's a
girl, not a deer... she doesn't have a "rack", you dipsticks.
One person wanted a shot of my "manb00bs" to be the content of the
update. I find this rather disturbing. Since there was only one
vote for this "request", it is certainly not going to be the update
item this time around. Democracy once again makes the world a safe
place.
One person wanted to hear about my family because they are "obviously
messed up people." I'll be sure to mention this keen piece of
deductive reasoning at the dinner table during the next time I see my
parents.
Two people wanted to hear about the fall of Loki from someone who was
involved. I think I'll just steer clear of that entire mess. Just
read any of the news stories out there that are smearing the
reputations of Loki's former management all over the sidewalk... they
unfortunately tend to be accurate.
Three people said that they figured that I had plenty of other funny
stuff, so they'd like to hear about that. One noted that it had to be
something funny that would fit in one update so that I could get back
to the other stories.
So there you have it... the "Wedding From Hell" is on the menu for
today. But before we delve into that, I need to clear something up.
I am NOT married. I am NOT engaged. A noteworthy number of you
sent me your congratulations about landing the "wife" (the charming
young lass pictured in the last update) as, well... a wife. Sadly,
this is not the case. I looked at the caption of the photo in the
last update as saying "I'd like to have a wife and kids some day.
And I'm making progress! See?" All of you appear to have
interpretted it to mean, "Looks like he's getting married. Poor guy.
I'd better congratulate him."
And congratulate me you did. I'll be sure to do a wedding registry
next time I say something like that on the off chance of scoring a
new toaster out of the deal. Goodness knows I need one. My current
toaster's spring is so badly shot that the toaster plays a drum roll
for you before barely boosting the toast high enough out of the slot
for it to see you and say "Hi! Your damn toaster just burnt your toast
to charcoal again! Yay!"
Anywho, on with the story. Enjoy it, damn it.
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