If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49. If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily and recycle.

"Setzen sie es in das betrunkene deutsche ein und reisen sie ab."
(Or, quite simply, "Stick it in the Vogel and go.")