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If I knew that updating a .plan file was this entertaining, I would have
started doing semi-regular updates a long time ago. Oh well. My web space
is located at and I can be reached via e-mail

Archived .plan entries can be seen at

*13 June 2002 - Become A Minion. See The World.*

It's right around that time for a major .plan update, and I can tell
this by the number of you that are starting to send me e-mails that
are flat-out demanding more .plan file goodness. Some of you are
taking a different approach by offering me bribes (ranging from loaves
of bread all the way on up to entire kingdoms). Some of you keep
sending me these "stream of conciousness" e-mails that demand updates
and usually take me at least a few minutes to decipher.

There's usually a few gems in the stash of e-mail I get. Let's take a
look at a few so that you can see what I find when I open my e-mail
each day:

Sample #1:

you make cool stuff. what do you say to girls you seem to have lots
of them. the girls i know are bitches but urs sound cool. does leslie
have a sister. i want her if she does.

Sample #2:

I was very amused to find that you had updated the site today, because
just last night I dreamt (and I'm not shitting you) that you had finally
gotten around to doing so. It was a happy dream.

Sample #3:

Update. Please. Please.
<sound of mad gibbering due to lack of humor due to lack of updates>

... and one of the more interesting ideas:

Sample #4:

i just read through ur .plan and i want to become one of ur minions. i
want to make girls and blow shit up.

While I can't really "make girls" as it were (I'm good, but I'm not
THAT good), the 'minion' part intrigued me. I've never really thought
about it, but I could probably use a few good minions.

So, your homework assignment this time around consists of two things:

1. Send in your votes for the next major .plan update topic. The
usual topics are "the wedding from hell", "ROTC and rifles", or an
"other" vote for a new storyline. Only votes that come in before
midnight on Sunday the 16th will be considered, so send in your e-mails
to and make your vote count.

2. Do you think you've got what it takes to take over the world? Want
to learn all sorts of nifty secrets? Want to burn things and blow stuff
up? You might just be the potential minion or even (heaven forbid)
henchman or lieutenant that I'm looking for.

Let's face it... I can't be everywhere and do everything. I need your
help! There are heavy things out there I need to move, and also people
that I need killed. I can't do it all myself. If you think that you're
rough enough, tough enough, smart enough, or maybe just amusing enough,
send me an e-mail at convincing me that you are the
minion/henchman/lieutenant that I'm looking for. I'll pick a few of the
best ones and those lucky few people will receive a super-special
customized 8-bit-like pixelly-image hand-crafted by myself that proudly
declares their affiliation with the "Master .plan For World Domination".
You can't beat that deal! All applications for the .plan "I Wanna Be A
Minion" contest must be received by Sunday the 23rd to be considered for
the special prize.

So send in those votes and your applications for evil. While the volume
of the e-mail I get is pretty high, rest assured that your efforts are
not in vain. All entries/votes turned in will be considered.

Future minions/henchmen/lieutenants... I have faith in you. Don't let
me down.

Next update: Something good. And big. Make your vote count!

When this .plan was written: 2002-06-13 18:43:01
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